Buying Packers ‘stock’ is the best scam in sports

It’s an enormous day should you like gifting away cash to a billion greenback group and getting nothing in return. That’s proper of us, your likelihood to turn out to be an “proprietor” of the Inexperienced Bay Packers is right here!

On Tuesday the Packers opened up shares of their “common stock” for the first time in 10 years. It provides anybody the likelihood to say they’re half proprietor of an NFL staff for the low, low worth of $300. Alternatively, you can simply lie about it and inform folks you half personal an NFL staff, since you’re just about getting the similar factor out of it.

So, what does that $300 get you? What are you able to anticipate as an element proprietor of one in every of the proudest groups in NFL historical past? Nothing in any respect! It doesn’t matter if NFL earnings soar, or if the Packers turn out to be the most beneficial sports franchise in the world — the staff is very fast to let you know that you just gained’t make something. Heck, it’s proper there on the touchdown web page.

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So, by the Packers personal admission, the “inventory” isn’t inventory. The one manner you’ll be able to name it inventory is should you ignore the widespread sense which means of the time period inventory. Get it? Dig slightly additional in and so they make it clear that you may’t promote, commerce, or switch your inventory to anybody — besides an instantaneous member of the family in the occasion of a dying. So, as soon as once more, not a inventory.

Absolutely you need to get some actually candy offers for being a shareholder, proper? Hell no you don’t! Do you assume this is some form of utopian co-op? That’s commie trash. You don’t get tickets, don’t get the rights to any preferential seating, you don’t get a say on any hirings or the soccer course of the staff.

You DO nonetheless get the proper to vote on who makes up the board, from a pre-approved record of individuals despatched to shareholders. Additionally a certificates, as a result of who doesn’t like a superb certificates? Additionally, there’s a $35 further dealing with price for the certificates. You didn’t assume your $300 funding would really get you the certificates, proper?

Possibly you actually like the concept of voting on who makes up the board. It makes you’re feeling in energy. Nicely, it certain as shit shouldn’t, as a result of there are 501,000 shares at the moment owned, with one other 300,000 being made in this providing. So, your $300 will provide you with the voting energy of 0.000125 % — and you’ll preserve getting diluted eternally, as a result of the out there float the Packers can change every time they really feel prefer it, wee!

Don’t get too discouraged although. Should you resolve voting and maintaining with the Packers is simply an excessive amount of, you’ll be able to all the time simply ignore their messages and never vote. Then after five years the team can revoke your share and pay you the handsome sum of $0.025. Who is aware of what two cents will seem like in the future? That’s enjoyable to think about, proper?!

The brand new float will increase $90 million for the Packers, with plans to make further renovations to the stadium. In the 2011 float the funds had been used to make enhancements to Lambeau Subject as effectively, presumably with out elevating ticket costs. Joke’s on you for believing that, as a result of regardless of getting followers to pay for stadium enhancements by calling them “homeowners” the team still took taxpayer money, and will keep taking it until 2031!

As for ticket costs, absolutely elevating all this cash a number of instances in staff historical past was an excellent approach to pay it ahead. An exquisite world the place those that may afford shares offset the price of rising ticket costs for households. That needed to have occurred, proper? Hell no! Ticket costs have soared over the final decade, and now the Packers have the fourth most expensive tickets in the entire NFL!

So don’t miss your alternative as we speak to turn out to be an proprietor of the Inexperienced Bay Packers. The one funding I can consider worse than spending $300 on a share of the Packers, is spending $250 on this classic 1992 Flowbee, which was a vacuum that cuts your hair. Truly, scratch that, the Flowbee will prevent cash on haircuts with each single use. A few years and it pays for itself. The Packers inventory won’t ever pay for itself, you simply get to brag about being one in every of 800,000 different rubes. However a minimum of you get a cool certificates.

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