We knew these Build-A-Bear folks needed to be freaks.
The mall and kids’s birthday celebration mainstay has launched a brand new product line with an outline that frankly simply sounds sort of soiled. “HeartBox” is a collection of reward bins that comprise tchotchkes and, duh, a bear, that are not meant for Build-A-Bear’s normal prospects — which, please God, are normally youngsters. As an alternative, Build-A-Bear describes the line as an “grownup gifting model.”
Sorry, it cannot simply be us. “Grownup gifting” makes it sound like Build-A-Bear is launching a bizarre line of bear-themed intercourse merchandise, proper? RIGHT? We all know, we all know, it’s in all probability solely differentiating that these bins are for “adults” as a result of, once more, these normal prospects are (HOPEFULLY) kids.
However c’mon, they gotta know what “grownup leisure” means! If you’re within the enterprise of constructing bears (and never, ya know, bears), it’s on you to look at the innuendo, Build-A-Bear.
HeartBoxes are launching with 4 completely different themed bins. And certainly, considered one of them is the “Romantic at Coronary heart” field, with advertising copy that invitations you to “Set the Temper.” Hiya Build-A-Bear! Possibly all that wink grownup gifting wink wasn’t in our heads. The field comes with “well-coordinated objects similar to gummy bears, tumblers, and candles.” Throw a luxurious bear in there and scorching rattling do you may have the makings of an evening to recollect.
Build-A-Bear really already has a bunch of bears meant for adults that dwell on a portion of the corporate’s web site referred to as The Bear Cave. You need to acknowledge that you just’re 18 or older to enter the positioning, which actually obtained me excited that I used to be perhaps gonna see some like, bears with dicks.
The truth that this bear cave has a digital pink velvet curtain? Promising.
Credit score: Screenshot: Build-A-Bear
Alas, the Bear Cave appears to be the place collectible-level bears dwell, which is why they’re for grown ups, duh. However don’t fret! There are additionally sassy bears seemingly made for exhausted mothers (there are sloths sporting t-shirts that say “nap queen”), or for companions within the canine home/bear cave who need to ship the message of “I am Sorry” on the t-shirt of a toy. Different bears within the Bear Cave are, in truth, able to have a good-ass time, although. Some come bearing bottles of bubbly and wine, and considered one of them is simply… Devil. Am I into bears now??
Bears: They’re right here to social gathering.
Credit score: Screenshot: Build-A-Bear
Mr. Bear, have I been unhealthy?
Credit score: Build-A-Bear
If one factor is clear, it’s that these bears fuck. And perhaps, with their assist, you possibly can too.
